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 Post subject: Funny Jokes!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 1:19 am 
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POST FUNNY JOKES HERE!


Deadly Fruit

One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out.

When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.

The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me."

So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.

Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.

The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"

The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."

The Blonde on the way to heaven

On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.

God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.

So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.

The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.

But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.

God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"

The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"

Daughter's purse

One day a brunette, a redhead and a blonde decide to go through their daughter's purses.

So, the brunette goes through her daughter's purse and finds cigarettes. She says, "Oh my god, I'm so ashamed! My Daughter smokes."

So, the redhead goes through her daughter's purse and finds an empty can of beer. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter drinks."

So, finally, it's the blondes turn and she finds a used condom. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter has a penis."

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Last edited by Maths on Sun Jun 29, 2008 1:13 am, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Those funny jokes!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 1:44 am 

Lol, I have heard the one about the fruit before, but the others all made me laugh =P

Btw, this thread is fine here, but make sure all the jokes are appropriate.


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 Post subject: Re: Those funny jokes!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 2:02 am 
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I will Joey :) and Wiz - not funny. :?

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 Post subject: Re: Those funny jokes!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 3:26 am 
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Rofl Ireland. I don't think that I had heard of any of those before. Good idea for a thread.

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 Post subject: Re: Those funny jokes!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 4:36 am 

A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head where on the run from the cops. During the chase the red-head spotted a potato farm and suggested that the girls hide out there.

Once at the farm the three girls climbed into a potato sack. When the cops came to the farm they look around but could see no sign of the girls. The cops started kicking random potato sacks to see if the girls were hiding in them.

One cop kicked the bag of the red-head and heard "bark, bark". So he thought it was a dog.

One cop kicked the bag of the brunette and heard "meow, meow". So he thought it was a cat.

Finally, they were about to give up when another cop kicked the last bag, the one with the blonde in it, and heard "POTATO!, POTATO!".

:mrgreen:


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 Post subject: Re: Those funny jokes!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 5:27 pm 
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Lmao Soassin. Thanks Samurai :) I hope this gets stickified.

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 Post subject: Re: Those funny jokes!
PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 3:48 am 
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There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.

_________________________________________________________

A couple of blondes got lost at the mall. So they go to the map, where they see a red arrow that says:
YOU ARE HERE
One blonde looks at the other and exclaims:
"WoW! How do they know that?"

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 Post subject: Re: Those funny jokes!
PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 5:13 am 

lol daniel. :P
congratz on 3k posts btw.


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 Post subject: Re: Those funny jokes!
PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 6:33 am 
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Rofl :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Those funny jokes!
PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 12:39 pm 
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Lmao Dan. :) 3000 posts wow ;)

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 Post subject: Re: Those funny jokes!
PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 3:22 pm 
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Whoa! 3000 posts! :D Watch out Joey, I'm catching up tbh.

Another One.

BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"
WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM."
BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."

Heh

Blonde Knitting
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the
freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the
blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was
oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked
down his window, turned on his bullhorn and
yelled, "PULLOVER! "NO," the blonde yelled back,"IT'S A SCARF!"

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement.

Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back. Frustrated, she shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

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 Post subject: Re: Those funny jokes!
PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 4:22 pm 
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Lmfao at the last one :lol: Here's another.

Womans delight

A man meets a woman at a bar and they go to her place. They're undressing and he drops his trousers. She points to his messed up knees and asks what happened. He says 'when I was young I contracted kneesles'. She says 'you mean measles'. He says 'no, I actually got kneesles'. She shrugs and continues undressing. When he removes his socks she looks at his sorry toes and asks about them. He says 'shortly after the kneesles, I contracted toelio'. She says 'you mean polio?'. He says 'no, I got toelio'. She shrugs it off, until he drops his shorts. She looks again and says 'don't tell me - smallcox'.

And another :roll:

Two hunters

Two hunters are out in the woods in New Jersey when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps 'My friend is dead! What can I do?' The operator says: 'Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.' There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says 'OK, now what?'

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 Post subject: Re: Those funny jokes!
PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 6:54 pm 

[b][u]710 CUP[/b][/u]

A woman walked into a local garage and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. All the employees and patrons looked at each other inquisitively and asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I have lost it and need a new one." She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there. The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote "710". He then took her over to another car, which had its hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."

Look at the link to see it.

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y70/pnoyfolyfe/710.jpg

Turn the cup around again and read it if you still don't understand the joke.


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 Post subject: Re: Those funny jokes!
PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 7:12 pm 
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Lmao that had me for a minute there. :)

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 Post subject: Re: Those funny jokes!
PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 8:49 pm 

Lol! It took me a while to get that one =P


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